


Again

by Evax3



Series: Getting Back Together [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Married Couple, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 03:12:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evax3/pseuds/Evax3
Summary: Harry had the impression that Lupin wanted to leave as quickly as possible.(Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, p. 310)This is my idea of why Remus wanted to leave Hogwarts so quickly and what happened afterwards.





	Again

It was a cloudy rainy day when Remus Lupin set foot in his parents' garden again after an absence of almost a year. A year in which more had happened than in all 12 years before. He rubbed his shoulder as he carefully opened the squeaking gate. He shouldn’t have apparated. The last full moon had done him more harm than he had let it be noted when he left Hogwarts. But there was nothing that could have convinced him to stay any longer in the castle. Most had assumed that he had been in such a hurry to get away because of Snape's subtle announcement and that was all right with him. Of course, he knew he hadn't been able to fool Dumbledore, who had given him a much-knowing look as they had said their goodbyes, but that didn't matter either.

The rain swept loudly through the trees that surrounded the small cottage, ringing the wind chimes at the front door. It was for this reason that Remus did not hear the approaching steps out of the forest.

"You could have given yourself more time. Rest a little more," said a scrappy voice and Remus drove around.

Slowly emerging between the trees, a man walked towards him, who in the dim light resembled more a ghost than the beautiful young man Remus once knew. A mass of filthy, mattered hair hung to his elbows. If eyes hadn’t been shining out of the deep, dark sockets, he might have been a corpse.

"Jesus Christ, Sirius. Was there no less creepy way to greet me?"

He bared his yellow teeth in a grin. "I completely forgot you cursed like a Muggle."

Remus rolled his eyes and then turned his wand towards the door. "And I'd forgotten, that you had always been a little bit extra."

With a creaking noise Remus opened the door and entered. The inside of the house was exactly as he had left it. Maybe a little dustier. He had put a _stay-clean_ charm on it, but also those do fade, if too much time passes. He went into the small kitchen, put his suitcase next to the door and moved to one of the cupboards to get out two cups. He paused for a brief moment and then took two of his better ones.

"Do you still drink your tea with milk and sugar?"

When he turned around, he noticed that Sirius was still standing outside the house.

"Won't you come in?"

Sirius looked at him a little scared. "Aren’t your parents at home?"

And with one blow Remus felt like sixteen again and laughed.

"No, they haven't lived here for a while. Now would you please come in?"

With insecure steps Sirius finally entered the house and sat down carefully on one of the kitchen chairs. He looked so out of place with his shabby clothes and dishevelled hair next to Remus's mother's flowered tablecloth. And that even though he was sitting on the same spot as always. But Remus had to remind himself that _always_ has been a long time ago, and a lot had changed since then. A melancholic feeling overcame him as he watched his friend sitting there. To shake it off, he devoted himself again to his cups.

"Well, tea, as usual?"

"I guess so," Sirius mumbled and fumbled, uncomfortably at his fingernails.

They didn't speak a word while Remus cooked the tea and then sat down at the table with two steaming pots. But after sitting there in silence further on and drinking their tea awkwardly Remus couldn't stand it anymore.

"Listen, I am so incredibly sorry for what happened last night. If I had drunk my potion-"

"Don't do this." Sirius interrupted him. "Not now. We talk about it. But not now." He scratched his beard and looked embarrassed at the door.

Their meeting last night was so full of emotions that now that they had settled, a strange distance had arisen between them. They had had a common mission. To deliver Peter and regain Sirius' freedom. Remus had ruined that plan. But just as he was about to apologize again, Sirius spoke on.

"Can I borrow your wand for a second and maybe use the bathroom? There are a few things I'd like to fix. After that we can talk. If you want."

He still avoided eye contact and suddenly Remus was ashamed that he hadn't offered something like this before. Here he sat with his good porcelain and his flowery tablecloth and wanted to ease his conscience when there were other things Sirius needed more urgently. With a meaningful nod Remus was on his feet.

"Of course, you can. Do you want to take a bath? It's right here down the hall."

Remus put his wand on the small dresser next to the toilet and then went into the bedroom to get some towels. When he came back so, Sirius was still fully dressed in front of the mirror.

"I also brought you some clothes. They're not very fashionable, but that's never been my thing, remember?"

"Thank you," Sirius said, ignoring the remark and giving him a slender smile.

For a short moment they both stood there looking at each other, none of them really knowing what to do next. Remus wanted to stay, but something inside him told him that this was not the right time. What was perhaps left of their former relationship was too precious, too fragile, they had to be careful with it.

"I'm in the kitchen," Remus finally said and closed the door behind him.

When he sat down exhausted on one of the chairs, he heard the water rushing.

"It will be all right,” he whispered to himself and then took his documents out of his suitcase and began to read.

…

Several hours passed and Sirius had still not come out of the bathroom. Remus had meanwhile finished his work, unpacked his suitcase and opened a tin can from the storeroom for dinner. Now he stood indecisively in front of the bathroom door, raising his hand for the third time to knock but then changing his mind again.

"Sirius?" he asked cautiously, but there was no answer.

As quietly as possible he opened the door slightly and looked into the foggy room. A heap of black hair lay in the sink and the clothes that Sirius had worn before were crumpled on the floor in front of the bathtub. In it lay Sirius, with closed eyes, stretched out and breathing evenly. He had fallen asleep.

Remus smiled. Gently he walked towards him and knelt on the floor. His face now looked much less dangerous. The tense features had smoothed and without the long hair and wild beard he looked much more like his old self. Without thinking, Remus stretched out his hand to stroke a loose strand of hair from Sirius' face as Sirius' hand jumped up suddenly, grabbing him by the wrist.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to-" stammered Remus, but Sirius said nothing but turned Remus' wrist so that he could see the two small black letters he himself had drawn there thirteen years ago.

"Although I knew it was still there, it's reassuring to see it," he said and ran his fingers across the lines.

"I know you still have yours as well," Remus replied with a heavy lump in his throat.

Slowly Sirius raised his head. Thirteen years ago, they had promised each other their lives. For better or for worse and sealed it with a spell. Both knew what it meant that this spell still lasted and yet the question was, whether love alone was enough to preserve what once has been.

Remus gently moved forward and laid their lips on top of each other. It was like trying a fruit that had once tasted so good and was suddenly all new again. These lips, which he had known like his own back then, were now rough and raspy, just like themselves.

And like a slow dance they tried to find each other. Because there, under all the scars of the past years, they were still them.

With a streak of passion Sirius grabbed Remus by the neck and pulled him fully clothed into the tub. A loud splash echoed through the room as the water sloshed onto the tiles and they both had to laugh.

"Maybe we'd better move it to another place," Remus said with his face at Sirius' throat and Sirius nodded.

"In my imagination it was definitely more romantic."

Quite awkwardly they climbed out of the tub and then stood soaking wet in front of each other still grinning.

"Come on," Remus whispered and stretched out his hand. "We've got the whole house to ourselves."

…

It took them a while to learn how to touch each other again. Some movements were too fast, and some were too slow. Every kiss was an attempt to make up for lost time as they pressed their frames together, desperate to leave no space between them. Every part of their bodies was familiar to them and yet they felt like strangers. Curiously they searched for the places that made the other melt and greedily they captured the moments when they had found one. The sweat was on their forehead as they looked at each other and finally found their release. With twisted limbs and hot breath, they lay there panting, still not ready to let go.

"What would I give for a cigarette now" Sirius gasped and turned on his back.

"Your wish is my command." And with a casual flick of his wand Remus made a small package flying towards them. "A vice I never really got rid of," he said and lit one with the end of his wand.

"Good for me," Sirius replied and took it from Remus fingers. "By Merlin, now I am truly in heaven."

After they had finished, Sirius sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed. "So, when are your parents coming home?"

Remus knew it was a joke, at least they were lying in their bed after all and although he didn't want to destroy the good mood, there were things they had to talk about, if this was going to work.

"Dad died a few years ago, Mum couldn't take it anymore here in the house, she now lives in Cornwall with her sister. I was in South America at the time and came back for the funeral. It didn't seem right to sell the house, so I live here now by my own."

The expression on Sirius' face changed instantly. With his free hand he drove over his mouth, the other still holding Remus.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he said quietly.

"So, am I," Remus said and sighed, "There's so much else I'm sorry for. All those missions for Dumbledore back then, all the secrets. I'd love to go back in time and shake myself for being so stupid and naive."

"We were young," Sirius replied. "And in the middle of a war that was far too big for all of us. Sometimes I can't believe that both of us are still here."

But when he noticed the meaning of his words his face darkened, and he turned his head to not look at Remus anymore. But Remus knew which remorse plagued Sirius and so he touched his chin gently to look him in the eye again.

"It's not your fault, Sirius."

"I know," he breathed. “But I still miss him so damn much."

A sob came from Sirius' throat and Remus sat up to take him in his arms. He was right so, it was a miracle they were still here. Alive and together but they both knew that they had paid painfully for it.

The night slowly came, while they were still lying tightly wrapped as the tiredness rolled over them. One last time Remus opened his eyes to look at the man in his arms. He knew that they still had much to clear up between them, but now that he was back with him, Remus would do anything to keep it that way.

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius description is taken directly from the prisoner of Azkaban (p. 248).
> 
> If you want to know what the symbols on Remus and Sirius wrists are about, you are welcome to read chapter 9 of my story [Wishful Thinking](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17301329/chapters/40886207). The story is actually coherent, but chapter 9 is a flashback and can therefore be read as a standalone.
> 
> thanks for reading! Kudos & comments are love, so please spread them. <3
> 
> And if you like, do hit me up on [tumblr](https://evax3.tumblr.com/) as evax3 :)


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